Sharpening Your Dear Skills
BY WAYNE MORGENTHALER
The weather is cold; snow is falling, with lots of wind which makes trying times to enjoy the outdoors. The nice weather is coming and it just takes a little patience on our part. So how does a person keep himself occupied during these slow days of winter? Well, I have come up with a plan that passes time. First, I have to admit I am not a shopper when it comes to going to the mall with my wife. This is how I decided to sharpen my dear hunting skills. For all you hunters out there, you will enjoy this concept if you have an imagination.
OWO writer Wayne Morgenthaler tagged this beautiful buck, but not nearly as beautiful as his own dear, during the 2015 season hunting in Richland County.
First, I let my wife take off in the mall, and tell her I will meet her in two hours at the food court. Now these two hours can be a long time, but there is a way to cut that time in half. When you are actually out deer hunting, two hours is not much time, but when you are shopping this seems like eternity. When after the elusive whitetail, you usually have a favorite stand and then a backup stand. These stands are located off the ground, so that the deer cannot scent you. Usually these stands are located near fields, on top of a ridge, near water, or a good crossing spot. Now switch your thinking to the mall.
I let my wife take off in whatever direction she wants to go shopping, while I sit in the car for 20 minutes listening to sports. Now you have to start thinking like your waiting for daybreak to come on opening day of deer season. Time is up and you are now ready to start hunting in the warmth and comfort of a mall. You need to think of a mall as one big runway with a few little runways coming in from the side. Oh yes, don’t forget to remember what color coat she is wearing for easy identification. Sometimes this is difficult for the male to do, as we are not into colors of clothing except blaze orange. I usually head for my favorite stand first. The long slow moving escalators in the J.C. Penney store. They give you a nice view of the ground level. Sometimes I even walk backwards as I am going up, as I am looking for a possible sighting. Up and down the escalators twice is enough to check the territory. The reason I selected this store first is because we get a sale notice in the mail just about every other day. You have to think like my dear. My second store also has a good stand and that is the Boston Store with their door busters. Their escalators are located in the middle of the store. I try to look hard at a possible movement in the jewelry section not that I would ever go there.
If you still have not had any luck, where do you go next? I like to sit on one of the benches located on the main runway and just watch for 15 minutes hoping for a quick sighting. No luck, then head for a fast paced walk around the mall, glancing in stores. If you happen to spot one of those sporting goods stores which are rare, I would drop in for a good look around. You just never know, she might be buying the birthday present that I had my heart set on. Here is another good tip. When you glance in a store, I always look for the cash register. They seem to attract people and keeps them stationary for a short period of time.
So now you have exhausted what you think are your best viewpoints. Think of which store has the most activity, is small, and has abundant scents. You’ve got it, Bath and Body. They have great sales on every shelf, and is one the last spots women like to shop. I think the reason is that the bottles are heavy, and they don’t want to be carrying them around. This is where I have found to be the winner but wait for the last 15 minutes of your two hour time limit. The final shot is to move in quietly after the sighting, and offer to carry the bags back to the car. By now you should be ready for lunch and a good cinema show.
I feel if you have the right attitude next time you are shopping, you can make the day a fun event. I would not recommend doing this too often but once in awhile for a nice change of pace. Have a great week and get ready for the wonderful weather that is coming.